Nourish Mama by Sherry Rothwell

Posts Tagged ‘should I get a divorce’

What if it took a divorce to design your dream life, would you do it?

What have you known for a long time that needs to change in your life, but you’ve been paralyzed to take action for fear that things could get even worse if you did it?

When we try to hold on to something AND try to let go at the same time – nothing changes!

When you think of ‘that thing’ for you, have you been….

– Wanting a guarantee that it will all work out.
– Wanting ‘the way’ to reveal it self first before you commit.
– Waiting for someone to come and save you from it.
– Hoping, wishing and praying for a miracle.
– Wishing that God would come down from the sky, decide for you or tell you the right thing to do.

I get it lady, that’s how I lived the last 10 years of a very draining and unfulfilling marriage that I just couldn’t let go of (more on that in a sec).

You might feel like you’ve tried everything, but what you haven’t done yet are the only things that you ACTUALLY need to do..

1) tell yourself the truth
2) make a decision
3) commit to doing whatever it takes
4) keep taking inspired action
5) keep the faith

Faith is what is needed, to have the courage to do what you know needs to be done and finally make space to design your dream life by divorcing from your default life (the one you are settling for even though you know you were born for more).

You need to unravel what’s been holding you back and stay focused on consciously creating the life you really want, every single day.

It is not enough to set new years goals or monthly new moon intentions.

You have to give up something of a lower value to make room for something of a higher value in your life.

You can’t have it both ways.

I finally made my divorce decision, after 20 years together……

This summer, through very systematic mindset work I was finally able to admit the truth to myself.

If I stayed in this relationship I would never have the life I truly wanted or live to my potential.

I had to tell myself the truth….

1) I was settling for crumbs, for fear that being alone or the fall out would be worse than staying.
2) A part of me wanted to stay only to maintain control over how my children are raised because deep down I knew that my values and standards were not his.
3) I was putting up with things I shouldn’t have been, because of a primal need to be protected, taken care of and provided for as a mother.

Maybe you can relate to some or all of this?

I will soon be revealing the whole story and A TON more about my journey with this in the Dream Design Tribe.


Because it would have really helped me to have had someone to mentor me through this process who had themselves been in my shoes.

Divorce is taboo in this culture still. Nobody wants to talk about it. Yet the majority of people do it!


I am not going to keep quiet.

I have been wanting to tell you about it this whole way through…..but I have been looking for a way to be able to do it without holding anything back and at the same time not air my dirty laundry in front of people who would just enjoy the drama of it.

I am sharing it to help.

You can learn more here in the FREE private Facebook group:

I will be telling the whole story and will also share…

1) the journal exercises I did to finally acknowledge what I really wanted
2) I will share with you the coaching exercises I did to uncover the truth about what was really stopping me from leaving
3) I will show you how to do the emotional work I am currently doing to process the experience so that I learn from it and don’t hold on to resentment

and so much more!

There is soooooooo much opportunity for growth and spiritual development in a divorce. It doesn’t have to be a downward spiral. You can feel like a victim to it or you can use it to make you stronger.

I have to admit, that at first the whole experience felt like it was happening TO me.

Even though it was a mutual decision, it still didn’t feel like it was a choice to me – I only chose it because he refused to go to marriage counselling.

I was willing to do the work, he wasn’t. I lost hope that things would ever be different and that was why I finally let go.

I have had to process a lot of hurt about him not caring enough or feeling that I was worth the effort.….3 months of crying daily at ‘that thought’….. I really did love that man despite his short comings.

And then I realized that THIS wasn’t happening TO me, it was happening FOR me.

Here is the truth honey…..

– If he doesn’t love himself, he can’t love you.
– If he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t deserve you.
– If he’s consciously and deliberately holding you back in anyway from living into the best version of yourself, he’s not in your marriage to give, he’s there to take.
– If he’s already left you emotionally, leaving you physically is the most loving thing he could do (he’s setting you free)!

If you’ve been on the fence about your relationship or contemplating divorce, I want to help you.

If I had the tools that I have now – years ago – they would have helped me to make or break the marriage much sooner.

My younger self so needed someone to share their experience.

Many people have told me throughout the years that I should just leave him, but no one showed me how.

No one shares what separation and divorce is really like (until after the fact)….no one shares how it is as you are going through it ….the phases and feelings etc.

It took a lot of faith to act from truth – without knowing what the consequences would be….how my life would change.

But I had to accept that there would be fears to face and inevitable breakdowns before the break throughs.

Doesn’t matter what the big scary change is that you need to make, there will be pain….but you don’t have to suffer.

Myself, I have been able to release years of repressed pain though this.

Seeing what patterns have played out rooted in deep childhood traumas has been enlightening.

The mindset work I do keeps me focused on what I want to create, rather than feeling sorry for myself, victimized, abandoned and betrayed (yes, I go there sometimes, but it doesn’t last because I now know how to get a hold of my mind when it starts to cling to negativity and poor me thoughts).

Yes, I do deeply feel the pain of grief, loss and separation…..but I also feel more alive, like the future is wide open and I am so grateful for the opportunity to exercise my faith in the creator as the source of everything.

So maybe you aren’t going through a divorce, but let’s face it, if you are human, you are going through something you ultimately do need to divorce your self from.

There is something you are dissatisfied with in your life.

That is how it should be.

Dissatisfaction fuels the change that leads to conscious creation and elevating your standards – so that the experience that you have in life just keeps getting better!

My only regret is that I didn’t do this sooner.

If you need help to get to the truth of what needs to change in your life, clarity about what you want instead, fuel for faith and help to stay focused on what you want to create in your life – instead of ‘settling’ like I did for far too long, then I would LOVE to help.

You can learn more here:

Besides following my divorce decision journey, you’ll get a ton of support to live your dream life – body, mind and spirit.



p.s. please share this with someone who needs to hear it.

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