If we actually connected more to the people in our world, our ‘stuff’ would be less significant, because we would be fulfilled through natural bonding and attachment.
Attachment and bonding are topics that are too often reserved for babies and young children, even though our need for bonding doesn’t stop ever!
If we don’t get it proper attachment as a child or in our current relationships, we bond to ‘things’.
THIS TED talk video explains it well and it is well worth the watch (plus, it gives this perspective piece more context).
Who we are is more important than what we have.
It is a sad state of affairs, when we find our identity based on what we own (or don’t), instead of simply knowing and feeling that who we are is enough.
Are there things in your life that you cling to identity wise?
For me personally, the hardest thing to let go of is books….it is like as though somehow they are a physical representation of my perspective, thoughts, and beliefs – that I feel compelled to carry into the future.
Ownership can also be a form of internalized self-bondage when one prioritizes ‘stuff’ in a way that they are enslaved by having it.
A great example is purchasing something on credit and becoming a slave to paying it back.
It is slavery when you make a payment of $100 a month, only $30 goes to the principal!
Owning a house can be bondage too.
For example, you are not legally allowed to rent it out until you have a certain amount of equity in it, even if all you really want to do is travel the world working from your laptop!
Personally, I keep having visions of downsizing even more (I love clearing clutter!) and moving into a tiny house or VW campervan so that I can do the live, work, travel thing……and my brain keeps asking, but what about all those books!?
Where will they go? What if I need one of them in the future?
Sadly, our industrialized society fosters this kind of unhealthy attachment with all its commercialism and lack of community in close proximity.
Far too often we bond to stuff instead of people.
What’s worse though than having debt, feeling trapped or hard pressed to let go of our stuff is that some people are even willing to give up their relationships or what really matters in life to have it.
Think of all the siblings that fight over an inheritance.
Or couples that fight when they have a different idea of how to manage money.
Oh! The unbelievable lack of willingness to do the work of ‘working it out’ and the extravagant willingness to give up love and connection, just to have more ‘stuff’ or more money in the bank!
How ridiculous it all is, when the truth is that the only joy we get from having stuff is sharing it!!
It is not the ‘stuff’ that brings joy….it is the sharing of it that does.
It is just that some people’s joy in so called sharing it, is ‘sharing’ that they have it – just to get approval – not to actually share it.
There is nothing inherently wrong with having stuff.
What’s wrong is prioritizing it over people, being overly attached to keeping it, giving it too much significance to it or developing an identity based on it.
My ex once told me that it was important to him to own a house because he felt that it gave him an identity.
This subject is a touchy one and personal for me.
Only a few years later, his mom literally gave him a house (notice I did not say ‘us’, I wasn’t included in the original lender financed mortgage contract) and not too soon after – with nothing to lose monetarily – they went behind my back, destroyed the contract and my mother in law put the house in his will.
And then he asked for a divorce.
His reason? He said he wanted a divorce because I spent too much money on our children’s privately funded art based education and organic food.
He openly admitted that he cared more about money than me and more about saving money than investing in our children’s health and well-being.
He refused to go to marriage counseling.
He said the only way he would want to stay together, was if I stopped doing what I do (being a nutritionist and educator), stopped buying organic food and I would have to pull the kids out of private school and put them in public school.
BTW – I had been paying for their schooling from the start with my own money….and equally putting money towards food, bills and the so-called “mortgage”….that had been our agreement, that I would take on extra work to make it happen – and I did.
Basically, he was asking to give up my passion and purpose in life while asking me to compromise my values so that he could have more money – all the while making no additional effort of his own to generate any extra himself.
Somehow it was my responsibility to not only save money but to generate more as well.
All the while he kept sabotaging my every effort to do so.
From claiming bankruptcy and never getting discharged (because he wouldn’t follow through on his responsibilities), to getting fired from his job, to being so horrible to our roommate that the person felt compelled to leave overnight without notice, to not helping with yardwork, to keeping the walkway to our Air B n B space looking like a garbage dump, to spending a year on EI not looking for a job, to deliberately choosing not to go back to his $30 hour profession and taking one that pays $22 hr for the same work.
And all that time, I didn’t nag, I didn’t try to make him feel bad. I gave him space to just do what he wanted and stood by his side through all of it and the many hard times leading up to it.
And in the end, he still decided to blame me for everything that isn’t working in his life, instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.
And now he tells lies about me behind my back.
Which is why I am not hiding the truth to protect him and silently suffering (the way I used to), while he deliberately does things to hurt me.
The story he tells to anyone who will listen, is that his current state of financial lack is because I was a shop – a – holic, even though everyone who knows me knows, that I don’t even go to the mall and that I shop second hand – not because I am cheap, but because I want to avoid supporting the sweat shop industry – and because my decorating style is ‘bohemian’!
It turns out that after all this time (together 20 years), he decided he only wanted to keep me in his life if I would be on board to prioritize funding his identity as someone with more money than he currently has.
Because I am not willing to do that to the detriment of my children’s well-being, he determined that I had no value to him anymore.
And he told me that often, in many ways and in more than unspoken terms.
My choice is to choose love and more life for my family, not more ‘stuff’ or status.
I see my children’s education as an investment in their current and future well-being and buying organic food as an investment in their health and the health of the environment for my children’s children.
I am happy to invest in what I believe to be better quality.
I won’t apologize for my values and my standards.
I take the long view. I am not short sighted. I won’t give up on a better future to make today easier.
I am happy to go the extra mile for my kids.
At the end of my life, I get to feel satisfied knowing that I did everything possible to create a healthy childhood, connection, creativity and community around my kids.
That makes me happy now too, as I believe in doing what is right, not what is easy.
And I was more than willing to go to marriage counseling, in fact I was desperate to and this whole experience has been heartbreaking for me.
Despite all his shortcomings, I was still in love with him – even after 20 years of it.
But you can’t make someone love you, do the work or hold the same values that you do.
If there is one thing I have learned it is this….
If you have the lifestyle and the ‘stuff’, but you are with the wrong person, you’ll never enjoy it or be happy anyway.
But if you are with the right person, you don’t need anything more than their love and presence to be happy right where you are.
I would rather spend my time, energy and money cultivating experiences and making memories with people.
At the end of the day, that’s a healthy attachment and I was with a man who didn’t want to cultivate that kind of attachment.
He didn’t want to come to the dinner table when supper was ready, nevermind spend time with his family and so naturally, he bonded to ‘stuff’ and substances instead.
Sadly, his inability to bond to people because of childhood trauma and emotional neglect also fuelled his addictions (and yeah, I won’t even go there or try to calculate how much money he spent on that).
You can learn more about that here from Dr. Gabor Mate.
With our bonding requirements fulfilled, ‘stuff’ is naturally less important and people more important.
By the way, the photo that I chose for this post is one of myself and Adrienne Percy making cultured foods together.
It doesn’t only signify the sharing of food, but it reminds me of the joy in sharing accomplishments!
So what ‘stuff’ do you have in the way that drives you to bond with objects or status that you are willing to drop or let go of today so that you can have real joy?
Use your thoughts and feelings to imagine yourself in the state and place you desire to be.
Think, decide and take action as though it is already a fact.
This is faith in action.
The hardest part is that…..
We must do this consistently until our visions are realized, regardless of the current circumstances.
Too often our visions are derailed because we can’t keep focused on them.
We believe in ‘what is’, instead of ‘what can be’.
It’s a practice.
The truth is, we all need reminding to stay focused on what we want, rather than on what we don’t.
Want to join me in exercising your creative power consistently with strong focused intentions?
If you are committed to taking 100% full responsibility for your life, business, relationships and your health, then I bet you would LOVE the Dream Design Tribe too!
Watch this video to learn more (no opt in required):
We cover cool stuff like….
– Seasonal Rejuvenation
– Health & Healing
– Mindset Practices
– Planning with the Moon Cycles
– Making a Living Doing What you Love
– Bohemian Business
– Abundance Consciousness
Let’s face it, as an entrepreneur you have to motivate yourself.
There is no boss looking over your shoulder making sure that you do the work to keep busy and be productive.
In a world where far too many people suffer the syndrome of ‘lack of self motivation’ (which is in my opinion due in part to being programmed by the educational system and the workforce) – basically because we have been forced from an early age to do shit we don’t really feel like doing – day in and day out) – we’ve never learned how to be self motivated (because we really haven’t had to be).
Once you decide that the path of a conventional career is not for you and choose the entrepreneurial path instead, you might notice how difficult it can be to stay focused and get shit done.
This is especially noticeable when you choose to work from home – with all of it’s distractions.
And if ALL that isn’t hard enough, we women have more than the usual entrepreneurial challenges to deal with.
The impact of menstruation on our work is not often spoken of.
Let’s face it, when you have a job, you may not like how you feel working on the days that you bleed (and if your hormonal havoc is really bad, your productivity might start waning significantly 1-2 weeks leading up to your period), BUT as long as you show up and do the job, you’re A ok, even if you feel a little slow, tired or emotional.
There is always ibuprofen for the pain and the fact that you are low vibe for few days doesn’t really have much of an affect on your regular paycheque.
An entrepreneur on the other hand can’t afford the luxury of pushing through in a low vibe state, because being in a low vibe is NOT client attractive – and having major lulls in productivity over the month can mean there are no leads being generated or money coming in.
There is no quick fix for that.
If you have hormonal havoc, your ability to be successful in your business is definitely suffering.
You may even think that you are defective in some way or just don’t have what it takes to be an entrepreneur.
But I am here to tell you that your habits and behaviours are not you.
They may be deeply ingrained, but they aren’t intrinsic to you.
Your physiology affects your personality traits.
When you have hormonal havoc here are just some of the inefficient ways you might find yourself doing business (or not taking yourself and your business seriously)…..
1) Hate networking (small talk is not for the moody!)
2) You want clients – but not really (because what if you are not in the mood anymore when their session is scheduled?!).
3) You too often have to cancel your sessions because of tension headaches, brain fog and period pain.
4) You are unfocused, busy doing a lot of shit, but not getting much of value accomplished.
5) You are too sensitive or insecure to be able to handle being visible on social media (paranoia).
6) If someone questions, criticizes or offers even constructive feedback about what you ‘share’, you get angry or have to cry.
7) You are afraid to take on too much, because you are always worried that you’ll run out of energy or crash.
8) ‘Overwhelm’ is your middle name and you are afraid to take on new clients because you don’t trust your self to be able to stay on top of the work.
9) You’ve got magical thinking….you wish that you could just sit back and facilitate your work without having to sell – or wish someone would ‘discover you’, wave a magic wand and make you an overnight success.
10) You’ve got resistance to everything you once felt like doing and regret having put all that stuff on your calendar (because now it feels like a chore and an obligation).
11) Don’t want to be seen in photos or on video because you feel puffy bloated and fat.
12) Your clients annoy you when they struggle, because it triggers your own ‘stuff’
These are not personality traits, they are ‘inharmonious’ feelings generated by ‘inharmonious hormones’ and ‘inharmonious habits’.
If your hormones are ‘out of balance, so is your business.
How could it be any other way?
Our world is a reflection of how we feel inside.
We have to look deeper into the inner workings of our lives to address the root cause of our struggles in business.
There is no point learning more marketing tactics when the root cause of your struggles are hormonal.
A hormonal person can’t bring even the best of plans to fruition.
But it is not really about balancing your hormones.
It is about harmonizing your life.
When you harmonize your life – body, mind, heart and soul – you get back in flow and harmony with yourself.
And your business becomes a reflection of that!
I tell you all about how to do it in this FREE ‘Hormone Harmony’ call:
Get instant access here: https://sherry-rothwell.simplero.com/page/73858
What have you known for a long time that needs to change in your life, but you’ve been paralyzed to take action for fear that things could get even worse if you did it?
When we try to hold on to something AND try to let go at the same time – nothing changes!
When you think of ‘that thing’ for you, have you been….
– Wanting a guarantee that it will all work out.
– Wanting ‘the way’ to reveal it self first before you commit.
– Waiting for someone to come and save you from it.
– Hoping, wishing and praying for a miracle.
– Wishing that God would come down from the sky, decide for you or tell you the right thing to do.
I get it lady, that’s how I lived the last 10 years of a very draining and unfulfilling marriage that I just couldn’t let go of (more on that in a sec).
You might feel like you’ve tried everything, but what you haven’t done yet are the only things that you ACTUALLY need to do..
1) tell yourself the truth
2) make a decision
3) commit to doing whatever it takes
4) keep taking inspired action
5) keep the faith
Faith is what is needed, to have the courage to do what you know needs to be done and finally make space to design your dream life by divorcing from your default life (the one you are settling for even though you know you were born for more).
You need to unravel what’s been holding you back and stay focused on consciously creating the life you really want, every single day.
It is not enough to set new years goals or monthly new moon intentions.
You have to give up something of a lower value to make room for something of a higher value in your life.
You can’t have it both ways.
I finally made my divorce decision, after 20 years together……
This summer, through very systematic mindset work I was finally able to admit the truth to myself.
If I stayed in this relationship I would never have the life I truly wanted or live to my potential.
I had to tell myself the truth….
1) I was settling for crumbs, for fear that being alone or the fall out would be worse than staying.
2) A part of me wanted to stay only to maintain control over how my children are raised because deep down I knew that my values and standards were not his.
3) I was putting up with things I shouldn’t have been, because of a primal need to be protected, taken care of and provided for as a mother.
Maybe you can relate to some or all of this?
I will soon be revealing the whole story and A TON more about my journey with this in the Dream Design Tribe.
Because it would have really helped me to have had someone to mentor me through this process who had themselves been in my shoes.
Divorce is taboo in this culture still. Nobody wants to talk about it. Yet the majority of people do it!
I am not going to keep quiet.
I have been wanting to tell you about it this whole way through…..but I have been looking for a way to be able to do it without holding anything back and at the same time not air my dirty laundry in front of people who would just enjoy the drama of it.
I am sharing it to help.
You can learn more here in the FREE private Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/130690494255991/
I will be telling the whole story and will also share…
1) the journal exercises I did to finally acknowledge what I really wanted
2) I will share with you the coaching exercises I did to uncover the truth about what was really stopping me from leaving
3) I will show you how to do the emotional work I am currently doing to process the experience so that I learn from it and don’t hold on to resentment
and so much more!
There is soooooooo much opportunity for growth and spiritual development in a divorce. It doesn’t have to be a downward spiral. You can feel like a victim to it or you can use it to make you stronger.
I have to admit, that at first the whole experience felt like it was happening TO me.
Even though it was a mutual decision, it still didn’t feel like it was a choice to me – I only chose it because he refused to go to marriage counselling.
I was willing to do the work, he wasn’t. I lost hope that things would ever be different and that was why I finally let go.
I have had to process a lot of hurt about him not caring enough or feeling that I was worth the effort.….3 months of crying daily at ‘that thought’….. I really did love that man despite his short comings.
And then I realized that THIS wasn’t happening TO me, it was happening FOR me.
Here is the truth honey…..
– If he doesn’t love himself, he can’t love you.
– If he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t deserve you.
– If he’s consciously and deliberately holding you back in anyway from living into the best version of yourself, he’s not in your marriage to give, he’s there to take.
– If he’s already left you emotionally, leaving you physically is the most loving thing he could do (he’s setting you free)!
If you’ve been on the fence about your relationship or contemplating divorce, I want to help you.
If I had the tools that I have now – years ago – they would have helped me to make or break the marriage much sooner.
My younger self so needed someone to share their experience.
Many people have told me throughout the years that I should just leave him, but no one showed me how.
No one shares what separation and divorce is really like (until after the fact)….no one shares how it is as you are going through it ….the phases and feelings etc.
It took a lot of faith to act from truth – without knowing what the consequences would be….how my life would change.
But I had to accept that there would be fears to face and inevitable breakdowns before the break throughs.
Doesn’t matter what the big scary change is that you need to make, there will be pain….but you don’t have to suffer.
Myself, I have been able to release years of repressed pain though this.
Seeing what patterns have played out rooted in deep childhood traumas has been enlightening.
The mindset work I do keeps me focused on what I want to create, rather than feeling sorry for myself, victimized, abandoned and betrayed (yes, I go there sometimes, but it doesn’t last because I now know how to get a hold of my mind when it starts to cling to negativity and poor me thoughts).
Yes, I do deeply feel the pain of grief, loss and separation…..but I also feel more alive, like the future is wide open and I am so grateful for the opportunity to exercise my faith in the creator as the source of everything.
So maybe you aren’t going through a divorce, but let’s face it, if you are human, you are going through something you ultimately do need to divorce your self from.
There is something you are dissatisfied with in your life.
That is how it should be.
Dissatisfaction fuels the change that leads to conscious creation and elevating your standards – so that the experience that you have in life just keeps getting better!
My only regret is that I didn’t do this sooner.
If you need help to get to the truth of what needs to change in your life, clarity about what you want instead, fuel for faith and help to stay focused on what you want to create in your life – instead of ‘settling’ like I did for far too long, then I would LOVE to help.
You can learn more here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/130690494255991/
Besides following my divorce decision journey, you’ll get a ton of support to live your dream life – body, mind and spirit.
p.s. please share this with someone who needs to hear it.
If you’ve been going from one specialist to the next and no one can find out what’s wrong with you, you need to hear this.
There is a reason why they can’t find anything wrong with you.
Your ‘parts’ aren’t failing.
But your body is trying to tell you something.
Symptoms should never be ignored or suppressed.
Your body speaks to you through ‘symptomatology’.
Symptomatology is the study of symptoms of nutritional deficiency and organ system imbalances….. before those imbalances become diagnosable diseases.
Honestly, I think you are lucky that they haven’t diagnosed you.
That is just one less mental block in the way of YOU healing yourself.
Yes, honey, YOU do the healing.
THEY can suppress it, cut it out or diagnose it, but they don’t heal it.
You have a CHOICE in this.
You can keep going from one expert to the next, looking for the ‘one’ thing that’s wrong with you.
The problem with that though is that if you hold in mind that something is wrong with you, then you will eventually find ‘something’.
Instead of running the question over and over in your mind of ‘what’s wrong with me’, you might want to start asking yourself another question, like ‘how can I heal my self’?
Having a diagnosis doesn’t heal, although it does usually bring emotional relief to some degree – because we want to find a reason outside of ourselves to explain why we feel so bad.
We want others to validate our experience.
We are soooooo tired of hearing, ‘it is just in your head’.
I am not saying that what you are experiencing isn’t happening, but I do think it all starts in the mind.
The thoughts we think either serve us in the direction of healing – essentially that would be to go inside.
We don’t heal when we look outside of ourselves.
I am talking about the chronic stuff.
Sure you can throw diet, lifestyle and supplements at the acute stuff – and you get quick results – because the acute is active, not suppressed.
I think dis-ease is a gift.
It happens FOR you, not TO you.
But when you bypass the root cause(s) and go straight to suppressing your symptoms (or cutting out body parts) – you miss an opportunity to hear what your body is really trying to tell you.
It is trying to tell you that something isn’t right.
But what is it that is not right?
You may not be wiling to admit it right now, but you do know what isn’t right or in alignment in your life.
My grandma had stomach cancer, she had it cut out, but 10 years later she had cancer again.
She had only extracted the cancer, not the cause of the cancer.
The next time she got the diagnosis, she didn’t even try to fight it.
She told my mom “why would I want to live, all I have to look forward to is waiting on him hand and foot” (or something to that effect).
She was just done already and I don’t blame her.
Can you hear the resentment?
He never wanted to do what she wanted to do and so she never did what she wanted to do.
But did she really have to manifest a disease and die to get away from him?
She could have just decided to leave him 20 years earlier or tell him she would be doing what she wanted to do – and if he didn’t want to come along, that’s fine, he didn’t have to.
Everyday women suffer with physical pains that are simply their body crying out, because they haven’t listened to the emotions that are screaming for their attention – telling them that something just isn’t right.
You feel it in your emotions first, and if you ignore them, then your body will ‘hit you over the head’ with it.
It could be conscious or unconscious.
If you have a chronic health issue, would you be willing to consider that this is happening FOR you, not TO you?
That those painful symptoms are to finally wake you up to do ‘that thing’ that you know you should do, but you’ve been too scared to?
I hope you won’t let my grandma’s death and her teaching be in vain.
I hope that what I am saying does not fall on deaf ears.
The same creator that lovingly built in these warning signals to help you avoid sickness – also created your body with inherent self healing mechanisms.
I know you may be doubting that right now.
I get it.
But let’s put it into perspective, if you go into the kitchen right now and slice your finger, will it stop bleeding, scab over and heal?
You don’t doubt that it will. And so it does.
And it just proves that your vital healing force is alive and well.
If you are not just healing naturally right now on your own, then there is something in the way.
The whole looking to experts to fix you thing doesn’t seem to be working, so it just might be time to start looking at this thing from a different perspective.
Disease is not exempt from cause and effect.
It didn’t just magically drop into your body.
You are not a victim.
When would NOW be a good time to try something a little different?
You’ll transform your health, when you decide to transform your life.
The first time I got this, my life was transformed – by transforming my health.
It could come in either order.
If I hadn’t been diagnosed with mononucleosis and sent home to go to sleep for a couple of years along with a a bottle of antibiotics for strep throat, I wouldn’t be here right now writing you this.
I would never in a million years take that experience back.
It happened FOR me.
I found my passion, my dharma and a whole new paradigm of self responsibility – that gave me the knowing deep inside my bones that I and I alone was responsible for my health and had the power to change it.
When you stop feeling like someone else is responsible to figure out what is wrong with you, you’ve got your power back.
When you assume responsibility over your circumstances (including your health), you can change them.
I had to make a hard decision this year.
Like my grandma, I too was living with a man who let me do the lions share of everything domestic, he refused to help me or do anything I suggested – ‘it costs too much money’ was his all time favourite excuse.
Even when I had started to consistently make good money in my business (which I thought would make him take it seriously and motivate him to help me more).
He still acted like my work wasn’t important and like I wasn’t important.
By this time I was consistently matching his income as a plumber and sometimes doubling it, so I finally just hired a wonderful woman to help me with cooking and cleaning one day a week to keep my sanity.
I resented how much I gave him and how much he withheld.
I was getting heavy (literally and figuratively) and bitter.
In the last couple of years, I kept having the thought….
“If I stay with him, would I end up like my grandma, with resentment eating me from the inside out in the form of cancer one day?”
And so, I wasn’t giving up on my marriage when I finally said yes to divorce.
I was making the choice to live.
The truth is that I am kind of embarrassed that I was so weak – to have stayed and settled for so long – for putting up with so much shit – and being so naive to think there was any hope of him changing.
And he never failed to disappoint me.
Besides that I am loyal to a fault – the only explanation I can give right now for why I kept ignoring the truth of how I felt is that I loved him.
I was holding in mind who I thought he could be, not who he was (a hazard that goes with the territory of being able to see people’s potential even when they can’t see it for themselves).
Then my body ‘hit me over the head’ with an extra 20 lbs in two months, on top of the fact that I was already voluptuous.
I knew the stress of my marriage was a huge factor.
And it still took a few more years before I was really ready to look at divorce as even being an option.
So I get it.
I get how hard it is to make whatever ‘that change’ is that needs to happen for you
But the real reason that I started writing this note, was just to share with you, that there is another way.
I wanted you to know that you can stop looking for what’s wrong with your body and just start making things right in your world.
In the following video, I share a bit about what I think it takes to heal and what my approach is to helping you heal your self (if you want a little or a lot of support):
I believe in you.
You can heal this.
For daily inspirational videos like this one, join us in the Dream Design Tribe:
What’s your dream?
When you move your body, put your clothes on in the morning or look in the mirror, do you see your best self?
When I was overweight, I didn’t really recognize the woman in the mirror.
Yeah, I knew she was me, but she didn’t look like the high vibe, inspired and motivated women I had always known myself to be.
I had become a work-a-holic to distract myself from a marriage that was not only unfulfilling, but felt like a trap.
I felt like I had to shrink who I am on the inside to fit inside his limiting worldview.
My body was like ‘hell no’, you are not going to do that and it started to expand physically to get my attention.
The relationship was expiring and I didn’t want to believe it.
Every moment of the day I found myself giving to my husband, my kids, my work and my clients.
But it seemed like no one had my back.
I felt unappreciated and un – nurtured.
I was starting to look haggard.
Not only was I ‘puffing’ up, drying out and gaining weight, but I was starting to feel futile about the future and just plain old burnt out.
My body started to reflect my inner turmoil.
As within, so without.
As I hid from the truth, I began to shrink behind my large frame.
I didn’t want to be seen.
The body reflects our repressed emotions, negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs.
The truth is though, that we want more than to just lose the weight…..
- We want ourselves back.
- We want to be free to be the best version of ourselves.
- We don’t want to just be slim, we want to be satisfied with who we are being in the world, in our relationships, in our work.
- We want to feel like the future is wide open with possibility and see our selves living into our dreams in the highest expression of ourselves inside and out.
- We want to feel sexy so that we can feel uninhibited and hot in the bedroom.
- We want to feel satisfied with the direction that our lives are moving and happy with the forward progress we are making.
Does this resonate and you can relate?
Are you ready to stop ignoring what the weight is trying to tell you?
If you want to use letting go of the weight as an opportunity to drop the ‘stuff’ that is draining you in your life – and use it as a catalyst to create the life of your dreams (and stop settling !), then we need to talk.
I would LOVE to help!
If you’d like to get my personal support to make this happen, for a limited time I’m offering “Slim, Sexy and Satisfied” coaching sessions for ZERO COST.
During this powerful, one-on-one coaching session, we’ll work together to…
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Every time something bad happens or doesn’t work out, are you tempted to quit?
Do you have thoughts like ‘oh well, I guess the universe doesn’t support this’ and then feel sorry for yourself?
If so, you need to watch this video!
What if misfortune and temporary defeat was just part of the process of change?
Tattoo the following quote on your face if you need to…(tee hee).
Napoleon Hill says…. “That is one of the tricks of opportunity. It has a sly habit of slipping in by the back door, and often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. Perhaps this is why so many fail to recognize opportunity”.
Ok, so don’t be tricked, don’t give up and keep going!
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Then you’ll love the Dream Design Tribe.
Click here to register or learn more!
Do you ever just feel like you don’t feel like doing anything, but don’t know what to do, what not to do and at the same time feel frustrated that you are neither accomplishing anything or even taking a break?
I totally get that.
Here is why it happens and what to do with it.
Find out why it is a gift!
Want ‘word medicine’ like this on a daily basis?
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Click on the following link to join or learn more: http://www.nutritionwisdom.ca/dream-design-tribe/
Over a year ago I came across an article with a husband complaining about his wife being fat. Wish I could remember what article it was. Not only did the article disgust me, but so did the comments from sympathetic men complaining too about their own wives bodies.
I started writing this response and then thought I would save it for an article.
So here you go….this is me speaking up for all the wives out there who have gained weight and are married or with ‘dolts’ who just don’t get that – it’s their fault.
That’s right buddy.
The fact that you think that she’s lazy, undisciplined and that it is her own fault she’s fat, is proof through projection.
But let’s face it, a man that lacks depth to the point where he can’t see how he is fuelling his wife’s weight gain, isn’t likely deep enough in his understanding of himself to know that he gets not only what he gives – but what he expects.
It is time for you to expect more of your self than you do of your wife, Mr.
If you don’t treat your woman like a goddess, then stop expecting her to look anything more than frazzled frumpy and fat – as the natural sequella of how frustrating and stressful it is to live with you.
If you are the cause of your wife’s stress or if you can’t ‘man up’ and be ’cause’ in relieving your wife of stress, then you are a trigger for your wife’s ‘fatness’.
Just because you can lose weight by restricting calories and exercising, doesn’t mean she can. Not only are you a total dick, but also a dumb ass if all you can do is repeat ‘calories in, calories out’ as a sacred mantra for why you pressure her to exercise.
It just shows how uneducated you are on the topic of woman and weight loss.
Since you are obviously clueless, how about listening for a change?
Here is how you are making your wife fat via high cortisol:
1) You are stressing her out – which leads to insulin resistance and hormone imbalances that make it incredibly difficult to burn stored body fat (please conjure up enough the mental resiliency to research this if you want to have any relevant information or support to offer your wife).
2) You’re not PRESENT (you probably don’t even know what that really means or really looks like and that means she is not feeling fulfilled in her relationship with you).
3) Your snide comments make her feel even more alone. Feeling alone is stress. Your an ass for isolating her in more ways than one and you know it. And obviously it isn’t working. So why are you being so stupid as to do something over and over again that doesn’t help?
4) You are making it so that you can’t have what you want. When you complain about her body, she feels compelled to withdraw and withhold sex from you – obviously. If she told you that your penis was too short or too thin and unsatisfying, how much sex would you be in the mood for?
5) Your life is simple. Her’s is more complicated. And you are making it worse for her. You are not multi tasking. She is… She has her job, her business, the kids, housework, cooking meals, helping friends, serving clients, plus all the other invisible work she does that you simply don’t even see (while you need a pat on the back every time you take out the garbage, she simply sees something undone and does it without expecting a medal). She is the one losing sleep with worry about stuff undone, the health of loved ones, fear of the future of living into infinity with you.
6) She is overwhelmed and overburdened. Your immaturity, lack of direction, lack of focus and lack of purpose doesn’t help (and by the way, that makes you unattractive to her…..hmm….maybe that is why she doesn’t really feel compelled to deepen into her feminine to attract you). She’s drowning in stress hormones and tired of being the one to take control and get stuff done.
7) She is more of a man than you are. She’s been the one ‘manning up’ and assuming a size to match the degree to which she has to be in her masculine (because you are not embodying yours enough to give her the security to be feminine).
8) You feel less attracted to her natural physical form because you are a porn addict. You would appreciate her body at any size if HER pussy was the only one you had the pleasure of looking at or connecting with. But instead you choose to make her less significant sexually as you choose instead to ‘get off’ on other pussies through porn or cheating.
9) You want a quick fix. Instead of having to go through the effort of courting and building up her sexual desire – instead you jerk off (now look who’s lazy)? You are wasting your ‘drive’ through masturbation. How about using your ‘sex energy’ to motivate you to create the life of your dreams (now that would actually be attractive to her than being with a weak man who whines about her weight).
10) You are not cultivating her desire. She’s cooling down and the fat keeps her warm in the absence of your passion.
11) She puts out (or she used to, but let’s face it, you never delivered). If it sounds like just too much effort, then maybe you can understand why you are with a women for whom striving for a hot body is also too much effort. If she’s lazy, it ‘s because you started it.
12) You are always satisfied sexually she never is. You ‘come’ too fast and she never gets to experience her full sexual potential as a woman – regardless of how hot she is or could be….so she thinks why bother being attractive to having to suffer through this man’s annoying and unfulfilling sexual advances.
13) Even when she lived up to your standards physically, you still turned to porn and you weren’t romantic. She feels unappreciated and replaceable at any size, so why bother?
14) You have the maturity and emotional intelligence of a horny teenager. You want the privilege of being with a woman with a hot body, but you want nothing to do with having the responsibility of taking care of your ‘toy’.
15) You are not deep. You are shallow. She is emotionally unfulfilled by your connection.
16) You are not dependable. You look to her for direction. She is tired of being your mother.
17) She doesn’t trust you to protect her or be there for her. That’s stressful and raising her cortisol so that she can’t burn fat, not to mention it is given her wrinkles and grey hair (yeah that’s your fault too).
18) You are weak. You hide in your man cave and you can’t weather the emotionality of women (any woman of any size for that matter). And now her fat is a protection and it insulates her – because you don’t.
19) Now that you’ve made your passion for her conditional, she can’t lose the weight and keep her autonomy at the same time. If she attains the body you want her to have, she’ll resent your attraction. In fact, she’s thinking that if she had that body, she would want to find someone else to share it with. Someone whose passion is deeper and more authentic than yours is.
20) You don’t actually don’t know how to help, you helpless bastard you. Your wife has insulin resistance and hormone imbalance caused by the stress of all of the above – and because of that, restricting calories and more exercise are not going to result in weight loss. So stop badgering on about that and actually do your research in the physiology of weight loss for women – especially if you think your so damn smart – act like it.
21) You made her body want to be fat. You’ve both mistakenly bought into the low calorie, low fat diet and over exercise mentality….all of which causes her body to hold on to fat – no matter what she does or doesn’t do, her body wants to be fat – and for her, trying once more feels futile. And why bother, she doesn’t have much to look forward to – after all, she is with you.
22) Your ignorance and judgement don’t help. You are one of her biggest obstacles to losing weight.
Take a look in the mirror.
She overlooked your imperfections, in fact, the fact that she hasn’t left you because of your fat shaming is one of your imperfections that she is overlooking – but really she shouldn’t…..she should have left a long time ago.
It’s you who needs to work on himself.
So how about taking responsibility for what you see, be a man and try meeting her needs – instead of trying to get her to do it ‘your way’ – or just standing there pointing your finger and co creating the situation you are trying to avoid.
If all those 22 things sound like too much work to change within yourself, then leave her and let her be free to be truly loved.
Believe me, there are many men out there who would be thrilled to be with her. They think she is beautiful inside and out – and hot as hell – so get out of the way little man and let a big man step in.
And as for you, find a woman as shallow as you are…..someone who is satisfied with your extreme lack of depth as a man.
Hopefully, one that expects you to go to the gym and keep up the body of a Greek god.
It just amazes me how so many men with mediocre bodies, want their wives to look like super models, but have such low expectations of how they look themselves.
Do you think your wife thinks you are as hot as the guys she sees in magazines and action films. Not even close. Do you think she finds those guys hot? Um yeah. But how shallow and rude would it be for her to expect that from you?
But buddy could you at least do the bare minimum?
Take a shower (your hair is greasy), brush your damn teeth (your breath fucking stinks!) and could you for once get some style?
If you are still reading this (or not already commenting trying to justify why it is not your fault and why I am a bitch for saying so)……you just might be a good guy after all.
So if you are actually here to learn, because you really care about your wife and saving your marriage (because yes, she would be right in being ready to leave a fat shaming prick like you), here are 13 things you need to start doing right away:
1) Decide now that you will NEVER say one more thing about her weight EVER.
2) You need to learn how to be present. If you want to learn that from a man, you need to learn from Anthony Robbins or David Deida.
3) You need purpose. She can’t get behind you if you don’t have that and she’ll be stressed that she can’t depend on you at the soul level.
4) You need to be a better provider. How is her cortisol going to go down if she doesn’t know how the bills are going to get paid or can’t put healthy meals on the table?
5) If you want her to wear attractive clothes, then you need to stop complaining about how much money she spends (or you need to be resourceful and make more).
6) Treat her like a goddess and she’ll become one (dates, flowers, gifts etc.).
7) Stop being such a bore. Women love variety. Think surprises, adventure, and travel.
8) Don’t make lack of money your excuse. That is sooooooo unresourceful. A scaredy cat, unresourceful man who is full of excuses, is NOT by any means attractive.
9) Be interesting. Women love to talk and be intellectually stimulated. Get a life so that you can tell her about it.
10) Take some weight off your wife metaphorically speaking – if you want to help her relax enough to let the weight go and access her sexual desire.
11) Study tantra and actually fulfill her sexually.
12) Quit it with the porn. And use that energy to add more value to her life. She loves being turned on as much as you do. Turn that energy towards her (but not in a gross disgusting man-boy way – sorry to be the bearer of bad news.. but it makes a womea want to vomit when a man waves his dick at her!). Instead cultivate growing desire in her in a romantic sexy way (and if you have no idea what I mean, that’s another reason it’s your fault your wife is fat).
13) How about your level of attractiveness? Do you place as high expectations on yourself as you do on her? Believe me, she is kinder than you are. She could easily come up with ways that you could be more attractive (inside and out). But unlike you, she is kinder than that. And smarter than you – she knows that shaming, attacking or placing pressure on you to look a certain way, will just evoke more insecurity and counter will in you – and will not be effective.
But secretly, there is a good chance that she feels that you lack some or all of everything I just wrote about and she doesn’t find you that attractive either (she won’t even retaliate by saying so – because she would never stoop as low as you do).
So please get that your personality is as at least as repulsive to her, as you are repulsed by her fat.
Now put your damn tail between your legs do the 13 aforementioned things if you really care.
But do them without attachment. And give her the gift of reading this article as a way of saying “I’m sorry, I get it now”.
She will finally feel understood, validated and ready to learn about what it will actually take to lose the weight. For her self, not you.
But that is her decision, not yours.
But if you are going to stay being a jack ass of a husband and don’t have the balls to follow through on being an amazing partner, just leave her so that she can be free to be appreciated, loved and treated like the goddess she is by a guy who would never need to read this.