Over a year ago I came across an article with a husband complaining about his wife being fat. Wish I could remember what article it was. Not only did the article disgust me, but so did the comments from sympathetic men complaining too about their own wives bodies.
I started writing this response and then thought I would save it for an article.
So here you go….this is me speaking up for all the wives out there who have gained weight and are married or with ‘dolts’ who just don’t get that – it’s their fault.
That’s right buddy.
The fact that you think that she’s lazy, undisciplined and that it is her own fault she’s fat, is proof through projection.
But let’s face it, a man that lacks depth to the point where he can’t see how he is fuelling his wife’s weight gain, isn’t likely deep enough in his understanding of himself to know that he gets not only what he gives – but what he expects.
It is time for you to expect more of your self than you do of your wife, Mr.
If you don’t treat your woman like a goddess, then stop expecting her to look anything more than frazzled frumpy and fat – as the natural sequella of how frustrating and stressful it is to live with you.
If you are the cause of your wife’s stress or if you can’t ‘man up’ and be ’cause’ in relieving your wife of stress, then you are a trigger for your wife’s ‘fatness’.
Just because you can lose weight by restricting calories and exercising, doesn’t mean she can. Not only are you a total dick, but also a dumb ass if all you can do is repeat ‘calories in, calories out’ as a sacred mantra for why you pressure her to exercise.
It just shows how uneducated you are on the topic of woman and weight loss.
Since you are obviously clueless, how about listening for a change?
Here is how you are making your wife fat via high cortisol:
1) You are stressing her out – which leads to insulin resistance and hormone imbalances that make it incredibly difficult to burn stored body fat (please conjure up enough the mental resiliency to research this if you want to have any relevant information or support to offer your wife).
2) You’re not PRESENT (you probably don’t even know what that really means or really looks like and that means she is not feeling fulfilled in her relationship with you).
3) Your snide comments make her feel even more alone. Feeling alone is stress. Your an ass for isolating her in more ways than one and you know it. And obviously it isn’t working. So why are you being so stupid as to do something over and over again that doesn’t help?
4) You are making it so that you can’t have what you want. When you complain about her body, she feels compelled to withdraw and withhold sex from you – obviously. If she told you that your penis was too short or too thin and unsatisfying, how much sex would you be in the mood for?
5) Your life is simple. Her’s is more complicated. And you are making it worse for her. You are not multi tasking. She is… She has her job, her business, the kids, housework, cooking meals, helping friends, serving clients, plus all the other invisible work she does that you simply don’t even see (while you need a pat on the back every time you take out the garbage, she simply sees something undone and does it without expecting a medal). She is the one losing sleep with worry about stuff undone, the health of loved ones, fear of the future of living into infinity with you.
6) She is overwhelmed and overburdened. Your immaturity, lack of direction, lack of focus and lack of purpose doesn’t help (and by the way, that makes you unattractive to her…..hmm….maybe that is why she doesn’t really feel compelled to deepen into her feminine to attract you). She’s drowning in stress hormones and tired of being the one to take control and get stuff done.
7) She is more of a man than you are. She’s been the one ‘manning up’ and assuming a size to match the degree to which she has to be in her masculine (because you are not embodying yours enough to give her the security to be feminine).
8) You feel less attracted to her natural physical form because you are a porn addict. You would appreciate her body at any size if HER pussy was the only one you had the pleasure of looking at or connecting with. But instead you choose to make her less significant sexually as you choose instead to ‘get off’ on other pussies through porn or cheating.
9) You want a quick fix. Instead of having to go through the effort of courting and building up her sexual desire – instead you jerk off (now look who’s lazy)? You are wasting your ‘drive’ through masturbation. How about using your ‘sex energy’ to motivate you to create the life of your dreams (now that would actually be attractive to her than being with a weak man who whines about her weight).
10) You are not cultivating her desire. She’s cooling down and the fat keeps her warm in the absence of your passion.
11) She puts out (or she used to, but let’s face it, you never delivered). If it sounds like just too much effort, then maybe you can understand why you are with a women for whom striving for a hot body is also too much effort. If she’s lazy, it ‘s because you started it.
12) You are always satisfied sexually she never is. You ‘come’ too fast and she never gets to experience her full sexual potential as a woman – regardless of how hot she is or could be….so she thinks why bother being attractive to having to suffer through this man’s annoying and unfulfilling sexual advances.
13) Even when she lived up to your standards physically, you still turned to porn and you weren’t romantic. She feels unappreciated and replaceable at any size, so why bother?
14) You have the maturity and emotional intelligence of a horny teenager. You want the privilege of being with a woman with a hot body, but you want nothing to do with having the responsibility of taking care of your ‘toy’.
15) You are not deep. You are shallow. She is emotionally unfulfilled by your connection.
16) You are not dependable. You look to her for direction. She is tired of being your mother.
17) She doesn’t trust you to protect her or be there for her. That’s stressful and raising her cortisol so that she can’t burn fat, not to mention it is given her wrinkles and grey hair (yeah that’s your fault too).
18) You are weak. You hide in your man cave and you can’t weather the emotionality of women (any woman of any size for that matter). And now her fat is a protection and it insulates her – because you don’t.
19) Now that you’ve made your passion for her conditional, she can’t lose the weight and keep her autonomy at the same time. If she attains the body you want her to have, she’ll resent your attraction. In fact, she’s thinking that if she had that body, she would want to find someone else to share it with. Someone whose passion is deeper and more authentic than yours is.
20) You don’t actually don’t know how to help, you helpless bastard you. Your wife has insulin resistance and hormone imbalance caused by the stress of all of the above – and because of that, restricting calories and more exercise are not going to result in weight loss. So stop badgering on about that and actually do your research in the physiology of weight loss for women – especially if you think your so damn smart – act like it.
21) You made her body want to be fat. You’ve both mistakenly bought into the low calorie, low fat diet and over exercise mentality….all of which causes her body to hold on to fat – no matter what she does or doesn’t do, her body wants to be fat – and for her, trying once more feels futile. And why bother, she doesn’t have much to look forward to – after all, she is with you.
22) Your ignorance and judgement don’t help. You are one of her biggest obstacles to losing weight.
Take a look in the mirror.
She overlooked your imperfections, in fact, the fact that she hasn’t left you because of your fat shaming is one of your imperfections that she is overlooking – but really she shouldn’t…..she should have left a long time ago.
It’s you who needs to work on himself.
So how about taking responsibility for what you see, be a man and try meeting her needs – instead of trying to get her to do it ‘your way’ – or just standing there pointing your finger and co creating the situation you are trying to avoid.
If all those 22 things sound like too much work to change within yourself, then leave her and let her be free to be truly loved.
Believe me, there are many men out there who would be thrilled to be with her. They think she is beautiful inside and out – and hot as hell – so get out of the way little man and let a big man step in.
And as for you, find a woman as shallow as you are…..someone who is satisfied with your extreme lack of depth as a man.
Hopefully, one that expects you to go to the gym and keep up the body of a Greek god.
It just amazes me how so many men with mediocre bodies, want their wives to look like super models, but have such low expectations of how they look themselves.
Do you think your wife thinks you are as hot as the guys she sees in magazines and action films. Not even close. Do you think she finds those guys hot? Um yeah. But how shallow and rude would it be for her to expect that from you?
But buddy could you at least do the bare minimum?
Take a shower (your hair is greasy), brush your damn teeth (your breath fucking stinks!) and could you for once get some style?
If you are still reading this (or not already commenting trying to justify why it is not your fault and why I am a bitch for saying so)……you just might be a good guy after all.
So if you are actually here to learn, because you really care about your wife and saving your marriage (because yes, she would be right in being ready to leave a fat shaming prick like you), here are 13 things you need to start doing right away:
1) Decide now that you will NEVER say one more thing about her weight EVER.
2) You need to learn how to be present. If you want to learn that from a man, you need to learn from Anthony Robbins or David Deida.
3) You need purpose. She can’t get behind you if you don’t have that and she’ll be stressed that she can’t depend on you at the soul level.
4) You need to be a better provider. How is her cortisol going to go down if she doesn’t know how the bills are going to get paid or can’t put healthy meals on the table?
5) If you want her to wear attractive clothes, then you need to stop complaining about how much money she spends (or you need to be resourceful and make more).
6) Treat her like a goddess and she’ll become one (dates, flowers, gifts etc.).
7) Stop being such a bore. Women love variety. Think surprises, adventure, and travel.
8) Don’t make lack of money your excuse. That is sooooooo unresourceful. A scaredy cat, unresourceful man who is full of excuses, is NOT by any means attractive.
9) Be interesting. Women love to talk and be intellectually stimulated. Get a life so that you can tell her about it.
10) Take some weight off your wife metaphorically speaking – if you want to help her relax enough to let the weight go and access her sexual desire.
11) Study tantra and actually fulfill her sexually.
12) Quit it with the porn. And use that energy to add more value to her life. She loves being turned on as much as you do. Turn that energy towards her (but not in a gross disgusting man-boy way – sorry to be the bearer of bad news.. but it makes a womea want to vomit when a man waves his dick at her!). Instead cultivate growing desire in her in a romantic sexy way (and if you have no idea what I mean, that’s another reason it’s your fault your wife is fat).
13) How about your level of attractiveness? Do you place as high expectations on yourself as you do on her? Believe me, she is kinder than you are. She could easily come up with ways that you could be more attractive (inside and out). But unlike you, she is kinder than that. And smarter than you – she knows that shaming, attacking or placing pressure on you to look a certain way, will just evoke more insecurity and counter will in you – and will not be effective.
But secretly, there is a good chance that she feels that you lack some or all of everything I just wrote about and she doesn’t find you that attractive either (she won’t even retaliate by saying so – because she would never stoop as low as you do).
So please get that your personality is as at least as repulsive to her, as you are repulsed by her fat.
Now put your damn tail between your legs do the 13 aforementioned things if you really care.
But do them without attachment. And give her the gift of reading this article as a way of saying “I’m sorry, I get it now”.
She will finally feel understood, validated and ready to learn about what it will actually take to lose the weight. For her self, not you.
But that is her decision, not yours.
But if you are going to stay being a jack ass of a husband and don’t have the balls to follow through on being an amazing partner, just leave her so that she can be free to be appreciated, loved and treated like the goddess she is by a guy who would never need to read this.